Almost1 year.....

This past week has been very emotional. These past 19 days have been really emotional. It is now 11:30pm, and I do not want to go to bed. I went running tonight and didn't want to stop. Time seems to stand still while I am running, and I knew if I stopped, I would have to come home and go to bed and that would bring tomorrow even sooner. I ran farther than I should have. I then wandered around the kitchen, watched some tv, took a shower until there wasn't anymore hot water, and now I am on the computer. I really don't want to go to bed. I think the fear of my emotions tomorrow is too scary to deal with. I don't want to go all day looking at the clock remembering what was going on at that exact moment 1 year ago. Come to think of it, last year at this time, Tyler and I stayed up ALL night long. We didn't sleep at all. I think we both knew what was coming and we figured we could sleep later, but we didn't want to miss 1 minute with our baby. See...I am already reliving it. I can't imagine how it will be tomorrow.

Honestly, I think last Wednesday was even harder, and I think if I could make it through last Wednesday, tomorrow should be a piece of cake...I hope. You see, last Wed was the 1 year anniversary of Jake's catheterization. This was the procedure that went horribly wrong causing him to be on life support, until he couldn't get off of it. I actually wrote a post last week about it, but once I looked at it, it was WAY too long to post, and I think I really just needed to get it out. No one else would want to read it. But, I'm glad it's out. It took me about 4 hours to write. It was really long. I have it saved, and I will put it in Jake's book.

Anyways, Jake died that day and we were blessed to have him come back to us for 6 more days. That was our gift from Heavenly Father. Having him for just a bit longer. He really should have died that day, but I firmly believe he asked Heavenly Father to let him come back to us for just a short time. It would have been devastating to have had him die that day. He was a perfect looking baby. So, I'm hoping last Wed was the hardest day.

I'm not sure how tomorrow will go. Tyler and I don't want to make a huge deal of it. It's not really a day we want to re-live. The one thing I am looking forward to is going to the temple with Tyler. We are going to do sealings. (Sealings are what happens when you get married in the Temple. We believe you are "Sealed" for Time and All Eternity. FOREVER, as long as you live righteously. You receive amazing blessings. It is a beautiful feeling.) I think it is the PERFECT way to honor Jake, and remember him, and remember our promises we made when we were married; that as long as we live the best we can, and stay close to the Lord, our family WILL be together forever, and I WILL see my baby again, and raise him. I am SO grateful to KNOW that. It is what gets me up in the morning. That is what I am looking forward to.
I will let you know how tomorrow goes. For now, I think I am going to watch some tv, read a book, maybe wander around the house. I really should be productive and clean the bathrooms!! :) At least I would get things done! hmmm....

Come JOIN me!!

Hi Everyone!!

In just a couple of weeks is Ethan's Run!! Ethan was one of Jake's little buddies (At least, I know they were before they were born, and now that they are both in Heaven. They never met here on earth). Ethan was born just 2 weeks after Jake passed away, and had the same heart condition Jake had. Ethan passed away at 6 months old, and now his amazing mom, Heidi, has put together a run to benefit the heart unit up at St Joes. There is a 10k and a 2 mile fun run. If you don't want to do either of the runs, you can always just come and get a pancake breakfast, have fun, and donate to Ethan's run. Go to Heidi's blog to see his story.

This run is Feb 20th and will be GREAT! I am planning on doing the 10k-it will be my FIRST EVER!! I am very excited. Come join me!! It is only $20 for the 10k-YOU CAN DO IT!!

GO HERE to register.

See ya there!

jakey's blankie's donations

Hi Everyone,

This is a HUGE plea to anyone that is listening!! I am doing a jakey's blankies donation drive over the next week and 1/2. I want to try to earn as much money as possible to make blankies for the heart unit that Jake was in. I know it won't be nearly as much as we earned last year, (We were able to make 120 blankies!!)

but even 50 blankies would be a miracle. The heart unit has had a HUGE response to these, both by the parents and the children. The parents snuggle with these blankies while the children are in surgery, and the kids snuggle with them the rest of the time. I LOVE it!

So, here is my plea:

I know times are tough, but if you are able to spare even $5, please donate to Jakey's blankies. You can donate on my paypal link (just to the right-it takes credit or debit cards or paypal payments).

Or you can mail a donation to:

Jakey's blankies

c/o Bishop Anderson-Summerfield Ward
2791 E Los Alamos Ct
Gilbert, AZ 85295

Please Make checks payable to: Summerfield Ward

Also, if you are able to copy and paste this post into your own blog, or put a note on your blog about the donations, I would really appreciate it. I want to get as many donations by Feb 9th (Jake's Angel day)-but I will never turn donations down! :)

Thank you all for the donations so far. I want to do as much as I can for Jake, and this is one of the last things I can do that will keep his memory alive at the hospital.

If you have any questions, please e-mail me at:

edennison78@yahoo.com

Again, THANK YOU ALL!!

Happy Birthday, Jake!!

My Dear Baby Jake,

Happy birthday to you!! I can't believe it has been a year. These past couple of weeks has made me remember what happened a year ago. January was a busy month with at LEAST 3 doctors visits a week, lots of scares, and finally you arrived!

I remember being induced in a TINY little room and they came in to give me my epidural, and as it started to take effect I began to cry because I knew that would be the end of OUR time together. I slowly stopped feeling you kick, and move so much. No one believed how much you moved, until they put a monitor on you and they couldn't keep you calmed down enough to get your "real" heart rate! I also cried because I knew that very shortly I couldn't keep you safe in my tummy. You would have to come out and fight for your life...and boy did you fight!! I remember feeling like you were ready to come out, and everyone told me to keep my legs closed so you wouldn't come out, and by the time I got into the delivery room/operating room you flipped sunny side up, and I had to push through about 6 contractions! (For all of you, I know that isn't much, but for my other kids, I could have coughed them out). You were born at 5:33pm. I remember you coming out and thinking you looked absolutely perfect, and then I heard your AMAZING little cry, and thought how NORMAL you seemed. They let me hold you for just a moment and I remember falling completely head over heels in LOVE with you! I have always loved my babies, but yours was instant! You were pink, perfect and crying! They took you to the side to clean you up a bit, then they let me hold you for 1 more minute, then they whisked you away....to start your journey.

As they whisked you out of the operating room and walked you down the hall to the NICU, all of my family was waiting for you to come down the hallway. The doctor said she felt like it was the papparazzi becuase there was 1 video camera and 3 cameras flashing!! Click here to see the video. (For some reason the sound didn't work on mine, but hopefully it will work for you.) That was your first introduction to your siblings, and boy were they PROUD! If you look carefully, Jake's eyes were open and he was looking at them! And yes, all of those nurses and doctors were there in the delivery room JUST FOR JAKE...and that was just the NICU staff!

I remember coming into the NICU 4 hours later, when they would finally let me go in, and crying for joy at how perfect you looked. No one would believe so much was wrong inside of you. You weighed in at 5lb 1oz and 17" long. Small and petite, just like we expected (even though you were only 1 1/2 weeks early).

Jake, thank you so much for all of the precious moments we shared together while you were in my Tummy. I loved feeling every movement and kick. Most people had to drink OJ to get their babies to move, but you wiggled and kicked like CRAZY if I hadn't eaten soon enough. Those are memories I cherish.

Happy birthday, baby boy! That was one amazing day, and I LOVE all of the memories that came with it-they were all good memories! I am scared of what feelings I will have for the next 19 days. All of the details, memories, smells, thoughts, feelings, events....it was a lot in a short time. I am glad it started out really well. I know I will be praying quite a bit for strength. I know you will help me through it. I love you, Jakey!!

Love,
Mommy

It's in, and it's a PARTY!!

I was hoping Jake's headstone would be in by Christmas, but it got held up, but it is now, officially, IN!!

I think it turned out pretty well!! And, just in time for his birthday on THURSDAY!! I can hardly wait to plant grass around it, so it will look even BETTER!!

Since his birthday is on Thursday, we are having a birthday party on Saturday. If I didn't send you an invite, consider this your official invite!!

We would love anyone and everyone to come that would like to. It won't be much, but I hope it is pretty fun. E-mail me if you need directions, or details!!

Yes, I am Alive!!!

Haha! Yes, as the title says, I am alive and blogging! :)
To backtrack, very quickly, Christmas was VERY fun! The kids each got bikes, which they all loved!!

I was committed to doing something for Jake, and since I have made Christmas stockings for all of the kids so far, I was determined to make Jake one, but I didn't even get it in the mail until right after Thanksgiving. I worked REALLY hard and long and finally finished Christmas Eve, so if you didn't get a Christmas card from me, or Homemade goodies, etc, it was because I was busy getting this done. Every bit of it is hand-stitched. I love the way it turned out, and that it could hang up with the rest of the families for Christmas Eve.
Also, on Christmas Eve, I set up Payton's room like this:

If you look really closely, the paper says, "I Love YOU! Love, Jake. These were a gift from Jake to my kiddos. They are BIG Jakey's blankies, and now the kids have their own and don't have to steal mine! They love sleeping with them,a nd boy are they SOFT! Payton's is a blue leapord print with brown on the back, Lexi's is a white Snow Leopard cuddle, with Fushia pink on the back, and Maddie's is called a Pony print with Fushia pink on the back. They LOVED them! What a GREAT way to spend Christmas Eve! Needless to say, we didn't have ANY kids complain about going to bed!

New Years was very fun! We had an adult party at our friends house (The Quinn's! Welcome back!!) While all of the kids spent the evening at my house with 2 great babysitters. Thanks, Alicia and Rachel! The kids loved you! and then New Years Day was spent in the desert with my family. My kids love the quads and the arctic cat!

Happy New Year!!

A quick update!

So here are a few things we have been up to the past 3 weeks. I will update more as this month progresses since it is a BUSY month! :)

Maddie and Payton and Lexi wanted to make some money for Christmas so while I had my Mom's cotton candy machine, we sold Cotton Candy and Lemonade, and I must say, they did VERY well!

Payton thought it would sell better if he could "show" the cotton candy off, so he juggled one of the pieces! Haha! Doesn't it make you want to buy some??

For Thanksgiving we ran in a Turkey Trot (Sorry, no pics) and then went to the zoo with my family. I love this picture of Lexi and my dad walking. It is priceless. My dad LOVES the grand kids and would do anything for them.

Maddie was in the Nutcracker this year! She was a fight scene Doll. She LOVED being in it and we loved watching her! Here she is in her main costume (the miniature Spanish doll). One day she had to use this Chinese doll costume. Here are a couple of the other little dolls she danced with. Aren't they the cutest little dolls EVER!! Great Job, Maddie! I am so proud of you!

St Joseph's Heart Unit had a memorial service for any of the babies that have passed away over the past 3 years. Our kiddos (Heidi Anderson's kids, Heidi Skidmore's kids and my kiddos) all sang "I Am a Child of God" and they did VERY well. It was really sweet. My dad also spoke and he did a GREAT job of reminding everyone that Christ died for us, but was resurrected and we are ALL promised to be resurrected just like Christ and we will all see our babies again and we will all live again together. He also reminded us that for every tear we have shed, and are still shedding, it will be returned to us with insurmountable joy. Thanks for doing that, Dad!

The last thing I am going to show you, for now, are these ADORABLE paint cans! Yes, these are empty paint cans (you can get them at home depot)

You then decorate them however you want (these are just scrapbook papers, ribbon and some cute embellishments). These are going to be our Christmas PJ pails. I give my kiddos Christmas Jammie's every year, but now they will be in these paint cans every year. Then, you take a photo of your child in their new pj's and put the picture in the can, so then, every year you can look back at all of the Pictures, so it doubles as a PJ pail (no wrapping!) and a time capsule! SO CUTE! No, this was not my idea. My VERY creative friend, Shelley, got this idea somewhere and shared it with me. You still have time to do it this year! Easy and CUTE!!!

Anyways, that's all for now. I will post more soon!!!